Morning by Morning
I know that you know what its like to feel like you failed, or are failing.
Don’t we all?
This morning I woke up in a bad mood. I wasn’t ready to wake up when my daughter needed me to, but I rolled out of bed, fed her, changed her diaper, got her dressed, and left her room and walked into the living room. Time to start the day.
My husband walked out of the room shortly after I got up, and asked me if I wanted to go back to bed. I did.
About 45 minutes later I entered the living room again only to speak to John Zachary harshly and say some things that I knew were hurtful. What was I thinking?
As soon as my daughter saw me she wanted to be held, crying until I picked her up. “I’m just not ready for this today.” I thought.
Throughout the morning I continued to speak harshly to my husband and I couldn’t shake being frustrated with my daughter who would scream every time I put her on the ground. When Juniper finally went down for a nap around 9:00 I made myself my long awaited cup of coffee – I was ready to relax.
I’m someone who needs to put all the fixings in her coffee to make it taste heavenly, so as I poured my freshly brewed hot coffee into a bigger mug so I can add my milk and creamer, I somehow managed to miss the big mug completely and poured the burning hot coffee all over my hand.
Throwing the coffee mugs into the sink (breaking one, I believe) I turned away and started sobbing.
John Zachary turned on the cold water and stuck my hand under the faucet and tried to comfort me. Little did he know that I wasn’t crying because my hand was burning (although it was) I was crying because I felt like I failed.
Failing to be a loving wife, failing to speak in a way that isn’t harmful and showing him grace, failing at showing my daughter the love and tenderness that she needs when she wants to be held, failing at being thankful that I have the opportunity to snuggle with my own baby, failing at letting go of what I want in order to give my best to my family, and yes, failing at pouring coffee into a cup.
Fast forward a couple hours and I had ran my eyes dry from crying all the tears I had left, apologized to John Zachary and felt his forgiveness, had my cup of coffee that he made me this time, laughed and hugged, and got myself put together for the day. The only thing that I was still trying to conquer was my frustration with my crying baby who didn’t take the nap that she really needed.
“Why wouldn’t she just play and crawl around and try to walk and get into everything that she isn’t supposed to like she usually does?” I had fed her and rocked her and held her tight. I had been singing to her for 30 minutes when I saw her eyes getting heavy. I stood up and walked into her nursery, waking her up. Shoot. I started singing again and was getting sick of singing the same songs. All of the sudden a new song came into my ear.
Great is Thy Faithfulness
O God my Father
There is no shadow of turning with Thee
Thou changest not, Thy compassions they fail not
As Thou hast been, Thou forever wilt be
A few times singing this hymn and Juniper was down for the count..and still sleeping – thank you Jesus! (which has given me some extra time to write this today!)
But I’m struck by the words in the chorus:
Great is Thy faithfulness, Great is Thy faithfulness
Morning by morning new mercies I see
All I hath needed Thy hand hath provided
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me.
I don’t know about you, but usually the way that my mornings go will determine how the rest of my day goes, as well as my attitude.
As I continued to sing those verses in my head after I put Junie down for her nap, the quicker my heart was set straight. Morning by morning new mercies I see. My husband let me go back to sleep, he forgave me lovingly for the harsh words I had spoken, he made me a fresh cup of coffee, I felt the love that my sweet girl has for me when all she wanted was for me to hold her – even if I didn’t feel like it. God has given me new mercies, I just need to open my heart and eyes to see them.
All I hath needed Thy hand hath provided.
God has given me everything that I need in order to get through the day – in order to get through life actually. That doesn’t mean that I wont mess up, or always say the right thing, or always feel grateful. But it does mean that I can call out to Him singing, “Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow.” It does mean that God understands that our flesh is weak, but His love for us is strong. And when we feel like we have failed, God looks down on us with the sweetest compassion and reminds us that our failures do not define us but make us turn to Him who has never failed us and never will. God doesn’t see failures when He looks at us, He sees His sons and daughters who He DELIGHTS in and is making new each and every day.
What I’m #preachingtomyownheart today is that God can take every moment, situation, every little thing in your day and show you that His mercies are constant, His grace abounds, His name is Love. He makes everything new. No circumstance, no bad day, no mood of ours can make Him think less of us, it always makes Him say, “Let me show you how much more love I have for you” we just need to let Him, He wont fail. Great is Thy faithfulness.
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside.