What Can I Say...What Can I Do...
Watching someone grieve is heartbreaking.
We have this tendency to want to fix the problem, say something and hope it’s meaningful; sometimes you just have to sit and watch as the tears fall.
I work in the Oncology Department at St. Vincent Hospital, if you’re not sure what that means, its cancer. I work with people who have cancer. I watch people as they hear their test results, their new diagnosis. I watch people put a smile on their face and endure the pain. I watch people and family members come to the realization that they or their loved one is dying. I watch people die. And I watch as the tears fall.
As I watch others grieve, I grieve too. I desperately want to fix the problem, and I want to say something that helps them feel okay even if it is just for a few minutes. I can’t stand to watch something so horrible unfold. But I have to.
This week has been so difficult as I watch this poor girl younger than I am go through the news of a terminal diagnosis that doesn’t give her much more time on this Earth.
As I watch her each day, I am now experiencing a new feeling other than grief, its struggle.
I am finding myself trying to avoid her room because I don’t want to bother her and her grieving family, they need their time to be with one another. But at the same time I desperately want to be needed by them. I want them to call me into their room because I have this strong urging desire to share the love of God with them. Im struggling with these urges.
And I feel like that oversteps my boundaries but I feel as though I have nothing else to offer so all I can do is turn if over to God.
He is healer. And although this girl cannot be healed physically, she can and her family can be healed spiritually, mentally, emotionally.
I am learning that there is nothing that I can give to my patients that will be enough to comfort them or heal them. But what I can give them is an invitation to know Christ, to share with them that we can live forever with Him, to pray, to ask questions, to point them to the Creator of the Universe, the God who calls us His, the God who loves unconditionally, the God who meets us in our sorrow and grieves WITH us.
We have this deep desire to want to fix brokenness, but we have the opportunity to know the Author of the Universe, the ultimate healer of our brokenness, our despair, our anger.
I am praying today that I would listen to the calling in my heart to share with this family the healing power of Christ, the opportunity to know Him. And I am praying that God will use me in any way anywhere to point others to Christ no matter where I am at.
I am praying He uses ALL of us for HIS glory and honor and that we would listen and share it with those who need it.