Under His Wings

I know that if I wanted to, I could obsess and obsess over making sure that I do everything right to make sure my daughter lives a beautiful, safe life where she is loved well and loves others joyfully.

I know that before I became a wife and mother that I would try, hard as I could, to make sure that every little event and detail in my life would go according to plan, in the instant that I snapped my fingers and said that I was ready.

Oh, and those events had to be perfectly chosen by me as well, because who wants something to happen in their life that they didn't expect, right?


It seems silly. Like, "Okay Mindi, hasn't it been engraved in your mind yet that life just doesn't work out that way, exactly like your own perfect plan?" But I do know that this is something I still struggle with, wanting to take control and plan every single detail. And I still get very upset when I'm shaken by something that I didn't expect - even the smallest detail.
And I'm okay with admitting this, because I know that I'm not alone in this struggle. I know I'm not the only girl that planned the very detail of where she was going to go to college, when she was going to meet her future husband, how he would propose, when they would get married and what her dress would look like, where they would live and when they would have their children - even down to what their names would be. It was me - still is me. And I'm confident that it is probably you, too.



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Wednesday's have become a favorite day of mine. The day consists of bible study from 9:15-11:15   -  and with a baby, that pretty much leaves me feeling at capacity for the day.
I meet in a small group of woman of varying ages and we discuss our bible reading and answer the questions of the week, and then during the last hour all of the woman in the Creative Living Bible Study gather in the church sanctuary and hear a wonderful woman preach to our hearts that morning. It has brought me such joy and a deeper longing to read God's Word.

But last week I couldn't focus during the message.
My eyes kept wandering until they pinpointed on something out of the corner of my eye. Right out the window an eagle was just flying about - going out of my vision, then coming back into view through the window.
I've seen an eagle before, they aren't anything particularly special to me, but this one I just couldn't stop watching. With wings spread wide, the eagle was just gliding with such ease and it was beautiful.

I have been thinking about this eagle for the past few days and these verses from Deuteronomy 32:10-12 came into my mind:

"He found him out in the wilderness, in an empty, windswept wasteland.
He threw his arms around him, lavished attention on him, guarding him as the apple of his eye.
He was like an eagle hovering over its nest, overshadowing its young, 
Then spreading its wings, lifting them into the air, teaching them to fly. 
God alone led him..." (MSG)




Oh my, this was what my heart needed, this was why I was distracted during the bible study message, this is what God was trying to tell me through the eagle I just couldn't take my eyes away from.

God alone.
God alone satisfies every longing.
God alone protects us.
God alone is faithful to lift us back up.
God alone teaches us to fly.
God alone leads us.
God alone.


When I am shaken because my 'perfect world' that I have created is taking a turn that I never would have planned, I can rest in knowing that God is not shaken. He is as steady as the eagle, spreading His wings over me and delighting in me no matter how much I fall down, no matter how many times I start to put my trust in myself instead of Him to guide my life, no matter how many times my faith in Him is fading. Him alone, He still picks me up and says, "Its okay, try it again," and He teaches me to fly once more.
And God does this with ease, just as the eagle was soaring with ease because he has done it his whole life. God is the eagle who soars over us with ease. God isn't confused when we get angry at Him, He isn't scared when we fall down, He isn't surprised  when we decide to ignore where He is leading us and go down a different path. God knows that we will do these things. And God is faithful to be there to throw His arms around us when we are in the wilderness, the dry and deserted wasteland - wherever this may be for you.




Oh, how sweet it is to trust in Him - knowing that He is unwavering when we feel like we are on a tightrope of faith. 
I pray this for myself and for you, that when we fall, we trust that He is already hovering over us with His wings spread wide, and He will catch us time and time again - His delight in us never changing.












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